Saturday, December 23, 2006


5 things that make me want to kick our lazy brain-dead consumerist driven society in the collective balls.

1) Flavored cream cheese.- save yourself a whole 2 seconds by not having to ALSO open that cumbersome jar of jam. And just think of all the extra presertitives you get! Wheeeee!

2) Self-parking cars.- yeah, don't spend an hour on a saturday afternoon actually learning how to drive and park your own car. Oh, wait, isn't this something you were supposed to know how to do to get your license in the first place? If I show up with a car that has this feature do I have to prove the car can actually do it or do I automatically pass that section of the test?

3) TV.- The nearly inevitable black hole of time, space and creativity conveniently located right in the middle of your living room. And bedroom, and some kitchens and I stayed at a hotel once that had it in the bath too.

4) Genetically engineered food- ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

5) High-ticket items' marketing- "oh, gee honey aren't you sweet. Merry Christmas to you too *peck on the cheek*" Applies to all of this year's radio/tv/movie/print advertising for $50,000 vehicles, gaudy diamond jewlery that's worth more than my life (or all those in africa who died of slave labor abuses to harvest that diamond), Washing machine/ dryer sets that cost 10 grand, Fridges with built-in, touch screens, a NEWER iPod, a FASTER computer and a BIGGER/FLATTER/HIGHER-DEF tv all to replace the models you got last year.

5 things I secretly love about the rediculous amount of technology available:

1) Cell phones- I hate the stupid bitch in the corner of the coffee shop bellowing into her phone to her best friend about how 'Sandy totally dated him before Carrie even knew who he was, can you believe it?!?!' But I love that I can get calls no matter where I am. Very supportive of activites such as last minute bar crawls, drunken dialing and when you run out of gas on the side of the road.

2) The internet. -I know, big duh. But seriously, the days of the eternal brain fart are gone! Can't remember that one actors name? Some historical fact you know you knew at one time but since you slept through most of 1st period american history in high school you can't recall it now? You can just hop on the internet and find your answer in under 1 minute if you know where to look. No more "it's on the tip of my tounge". And with that comes online radio. You can live in any little hole of a city, like say, oh Eugene, where there are 4 radio stations, but it doesnt matter because you can get online and listen for days and days to any genre of music your little heart desires with 'nary a commercial.

3)That being said I'll also include My laptop- I've got a crapload of work to get done. But am I doomed to spend the whole day at my desk or in the office? NO! Now, I'm doing it the park, at the coffee shop, in the car on the way to some much more interesting activity, at the parents to simultaneously fulfill familiar obligations, If I ever rode the bus like a good little hippie, I could do it there too. Freedom in some sence, granted you're still working but fuck that office cubicle!

4) Hybred vehicles.- Bio-disel, electric hybrids and all that other eco-friendly crap. But you have to admit it's really cool to see SOME sort of action FINALLY being taken. Even if they only make a big deal about it to advert our attention from all the other shit they're NOT doing.

5) ok, maybe there are only 4, If I think of anything else you'll be the first to know.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

It's 5:14am- the alarm goes off and I'm literally shocked out of bed. My legs swing themselves over the edge and I sit up, teetering for a moment as I try to grasp my bearings. I lean over switch on the bedside lamp and recoil in horror as the light exorcises the sleep demon from my eyes.
"maybe this wasn't such a good idea". It's the same thought I had yesterday morning. But was it only yesterday? It seems to me at this moment that yesterday morning was more like a month ago.
I stumble to the bathroom and am acosted by the icy livingroom air. (Turning off the heat at night to conserve energy has obviously failed miserably as a clever idea.) I trip backwards into my bedroom and slam the door shut. "Quick, quick, make it quick" I think and begin throwing on layers of clothing. Polished off with thick socks and a scarf I stretch my legs, grab my iPod and make another attempt.
The early morning air burns my cheeks and at the first deep breath I gasp as the frozen stillness solidifies my insides with it's dry but glacial touch.
I take off down the street towards the bike path and realize that I've already learned many interesting things thanks to my newest self-inflicted torture.

1. I've lived in Oregon my whole life yet somehow the short-ass Summer alway succeeds in making me forget how fucking cold it can get here.

2. Despite aformentioned cold, it is NOT necessary for one to wear many layers when running unless one enjoys the added challenge of stripping down to one's tank top and then trying to figure out how to carry a scarf, sweatshirt, long-sleeved UofO jersy, gloves, t-shirt and jog at the same time.

3.If one has a well endowed chest-al region it is not an altogether ineffective solution to double up on the support of said region.

4. Nothing will cure your craving for a cigarette like wheezing your way up and down the bike path. Nature's way of kicking you in the balls for having started in the first place.

5.It's still dark at 5:30am. And at 6am and 6:30. This being a facinating observance since I've only ever been up at this hour while drunk during the summer months and without the confusing element of pre-dawn sleep.

6. Humans are not camels. The human belly is not designed to be loaded with water before a run. Such actions result, apparently, in stomach pain, side aches and yes it is humanly possible to vomit nothing but water.

7. My roommate doesn't sleep at night.

8. There are alot of hobos on the bike path at 5:30am.

I feel that I owe a debt of graditude to my new morning ritual. A healthier body (possibility of self-induced heart attacks aside) and a broader knowledge of the world around me. I think of all the facinating things I've already learned from my little jaunts.... and I still rather be sleeping in.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

What do you do when you're bored? Some people snack and others watch the boob-tube. The artsy kind might pull out their instument of choice and strum or pound away while others might brandish their paints or pastels.
Some might call a friend on the phone and gab for an hour or find some undone housework that should have been started and finished so many days ago. And they'll start it and somehow it still won't get finished.
Personal preference would lean me towards a bordom blues cure of the liquid kind. But financial constraints, (or complete and utter lack of funds altogether) prevent me from following that course of relief. So instead what results is a self-photographic exhibition of my sober stupor posted below. Wistful looks? Dreamy eyes? Pensive mood? Nope it's just my 'Damn, I need a beer' face.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting