Saturday, December 23, 2006


Those ol' love/hate feelings...

5 things that make me want to kick our lazy brain-dead consumerist driven society in the collective balls.

1) Flavored cream cheese.- save yourself a whole 2 seconds by not having to ALSO open that cumbersome jar of jam. And just think of all the extra presertitives you get! Wheeeee!

2) Self-parking cars.- yeah, don't spend an hour on a saturday afternoon actually learning how to drive and park your own car. Oh, wait, isn't this something you were supposed to know how to do to get your license in the first place? If I show up with a car that has this feature do I have to prove the car can actually do it or do I automatically pass that section of the test?

3) TV.- The nearly inevitable black hole of time, space and creativity conveniently located right in the middle of your living room. And bedroom, and some kitchens and I stayed at a hotel once that had it in the bath too.

4) Genetically engineered food- ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

5) High-ticket items' marketing- "oh, gee honey aren't you sweet. Merry Christmas to you too *peck on the cheek*" Applies to all of this year's radio/tv/movie/print advertising for $50,000 vehicles, gaudy diamond jewlery that's worth more than my life (or all those in africa who died of slave labor abuses to harvest that diamond), Washing machine/ dryer sets that cost 10 grand, Fridges with built-in, touch screens, a NEWER iPod, a FASTER computer and a BIGGER/FLATTER/HIGHER-DEF tv all to replace the models you got last year.

5 things I secretly love about the rediculous amount of technology available:

1) Cell phones- I hate the stupid bitch in the corner of the coffee shop bellowing into her phone to her best friend about how 'Sandy totally dated him before Carrie even knew who he was, can you believe it?!?!' But I love that I can get calls no matter where I am. Very supportive of activites such as last minute bar crawls, drunken dialing and when you run out of gas on the side of the road.

2) The internet. -I know, big duh. But seriously, the days of the eternal brain fart are gone! Can't remember that one actors name? Some historical fact you know you knew at one time but since you slept through most of 1st period american history in high school you can't recall it now? You can just hop on the internet and find your answer in under 1 minute if you know where to look. No more "it's on the tip of my tounge". And with that comes online radio. You can live in any little hole of a city, like say, oh Eugene, where there are 4 radio stations, but it doesnt matter because you can get online and listen for days and days to any genre of music your little heart desires with 'nary a commercial.

3)That being said I'll also include My laptop- I've got a crapload of work to get done. But am I doomed to spend the whole day at my desk or in the office? NO! Now, I'm doing it the park, at the coffee shop, in the car on the way to some much more interesting activity, at the parents to simultaneously fulfill familiar obligations, If I ever rode the bus like a good little hippie, I could do it there too. Freedom in some sence, granted you're still working but fuck that office cubicle!

4) Hybred vehicles.- Bio-disel, electric hybrids and all that other eco-friendly crap. But you have to admit it's really cool to see SOME sort of action FINALLY being taken. Even if they only make a big deal about it to advert our attention from all the other shit they're NOT doing.

5) ok, maybe there are only 4, If I think of anything else you'll be the first to know.

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