Wednesday, August 02, 2006


Prince Charmings need not apply...

No wonder so many women are unhappy in love. "where's my Prince Charming to take me away from it all? My handsome prince who will shower me with affection and gifts and flowers etc, etc, etc"

these must be women who are single with kids, still get perms on a regular basis and spend far too much time scrapbooking because they are obviously not living in the present or in any known reality.
Here's what I don't get about the whole 'fantasy':
1. The guy wears purple tights. Now, I'm all for a guy in drag, but never at any point in time during ANY century have tights ever been manly. Yet, here's our Prince Charming prancing around the countryside in them. An entire wardrobe of leotards, because someone told him they were in this season so he went along with it. Trust me kids, that is a high maintenance hombre right there!
2. He kills endangered animals for a living, thus, single handedly obliterating an entire, albeit fictional, species.
and 3. He's got a large, white, hairy beast of burden following him around everywhere. I love horses but I'm pretty sure there's something not all together natural about spending that much alone time with your steed.

Alright, so If I've no interest in Prince Charming- and don't even get me started on 'The Perfect Man"- What could I possibly be looking for..... I like to call him Mr. Wonderfully Flawed.

He would probably have body art and piercings. He'd be artistic and maybe a little (or a lot) nerdy. He'd be a master in the long lost arts of things such as spellcheck and using capitol letters at the beginning of sentences when he writes. He'd pick wild flowers as a romantic gesture because he'd know how I value the thought behind the effort and he'd drink a beer in the park with me on Valentine's Day as we laugh about all the people who just spent $150 on a mediocre dinner in a crowded restaurant just to impress a girl.

He'd be a guy who's positive and passionate about life. A guy who doesn't NEED me, but is sure glad I'm around. A guy who will let me test out my newest kitchen experiment on him and will let me drag him to the occasional latin dance even if he can't seem to get his hips to do anything but convulse awkwardly in an opposite direction from the rest of his body.

He'd love, more than anything, to travel. He'd love staying in hostels because of all the strange and wonderful people you meet there. He'd be grateful we were blessed to be born in this country but his heart would break over the injustice that befalls the innocent and the poor the world over.

His favorite way to end an argument would be to agree to disagree and then partake in a little bit of wild, mid-day nookie, just to show there are no hard feelings.

He'd love my quirkiness and my kinkiness and how content I am not looking like a super-model and even how I have a tendency to ramble when I've had a few too many drinks, about all the amazing things I've seen on the Discovery Channel. He'd also appreciate that I'm straight forward and prefer to tell it like it is. That, if I had fun on Thursday, I'm not waiting 3 days to call again. It doesn't mean I want to get married for god's sake! Just that I had fun and don't really want to wait till Monday to make plans to hang out again because I'm too lazy for mind games.

I realize that a Mr. Wonderfully Flawed may very well be as hard to find as a guy in purple tights on a white charger meandering about town, but I hold out hope that he's out there somewhere.

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