I felt nervous, my hands visibly shaking. I giggled uncomfortably and took a deep breath as he appeared from the other room. I couldn't help but stare, it was so beautiful. It was as if I could look forever and never be able to get my fill. He came closer and just laid it out there in the open for me, prompting me wordlessly to grasp it with my fingers. I looked over my shoulder at my boyfriend for reassurance that he was still ok with this. He smiled a quiet half smile, and I couldn't tell if it was lust or jealousy that flashed in his eye.
We finished up, I gathered my things and paid the man his money. As I walked out, I felt comforted that my feelings of doubt and shame at having spent so much money had been almost entirely swallowed by excitement and the plans of all the things I was going to be able to use this for in the future.
I suppose it's a testament to how truely nerdy I am. Financial Aid for school is allowing for enough extra money that I can spring for a new computer. My first new one in nearly 5 years. It's better than finding money on the sidewalk. Better than christmas. Better than sex! Well, at least that sloppy drunken kind that you fall asleep halfway through.
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